A remake of a 1977 Dario Argento flick, 2018’s introduces us to Susie Bannion (Dakota Johnson), an American dancer. She goes to Berlin to study under Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton).

Virtually as soon as Susie starts, dance student Patricia Hingle (Chloë Grace Moretz) disappears. This event prompts a mix of issues that take Susie down a series of dark paths, as various mysteries and suspicious shenanigans swirl.

That synopsis obscures the basic weirdness at play in Suspiria and leaves the impression that it’ll offer a fairly straightforward thriller. It doesn’t, as the movie takes on a series of unusual choices.

Do these succeed? Nope – not in the least, as Suspiria offers a borderline absurd affair that relies on shock value to carry the day.

Alas, a compilation of unsettling and grotesque images do not a film make, and Suspiria lacks the narrative impact to go anywhere beyond the creepy visuals. Granted, I suspect the filmmakers preferred a more abstract path, so I can’t claim that the elusive story progression comes as a major surprise.

However, if one creates a movie with a loose narrative, one needs to anchor it in other ways, and those behind Suspiria can’t achieve those goals. As noted, the film favors “shocking” visuals and circumstances over most else, and these choices don’t act as enough substance to sustain the viewer across the movie’s 152 minutes.

Indeed, rather than frighten or unnerve, much of Suspiria seems more likely to inspire laughs. The film often feels more campy than creepy, as scenes like Susie’s laughable audition become difficult to take seriously.

How can a movie in which a character declares “they’ll hollow me out and eat my cunt on a plate” be viewed as anything other than over the top absurdity? Unfortunately, I don’t think the filmmakers want the flick to come across as silly as it does, and this creates a problem.

The general lack of real movement also harms Suspiria. With an emphasis on style over substance, the “plot” ambles along without much purpose and fails to go anywhere vaguely satisfying.

Unless you buy into the visual style, that is. If the movie’s dark, off-putting choices float your boat, you seem more likely to enjoy it.

For me, I couldn’t find much to keep me with the film. I couldn’t suspend disbelief to accept nearly 30-year-old Johnson as a young dance student, and I couldn’t swallow the pointless decision to cast Swinton in three roles.

Essentially a mashup of Black Swan and Rosemary’s Baby, Suspiria would be a tough watch at a short length. With a running time of more than two and a half hours, it becomes an eye-rolling endurance test.

Footnote: a tag scene appears close to the conclusion of the end credits.

Suspiria appears in an aspect ratio of approximately 1.85:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. The movie came with a fairly good presentation.

For the most part, sharpness appeared positive. Interiors tended to be a little on the soft side, but the film’s overall impact remained accurate and concise. I saw no jagged edges or moiré effects, and the image lacked both edge haloes and print flaws.

Given the movie’s tone, I felt unsurprised by its low-key palette. The film emphasized muted teals and oranges, all of which looked appropriate for the design choices.

Blacks were fairly dark and dense, while shadows seemed more than acceptable. Low-light shots could be a bit murky, but not to an extreme. All of this led to a generally pleasing image.

As for the film’s Dolby Atmos soundtrack, it also suited the film. Downconverted to Dolby TrueHD 7.1, the mix provided a consistently atmospheric auditory experience.

This meant an emphasis on eerie music and general environmental information. The movie’s nearly omnipresent rain offered the most direct involvement, but the majority of the mix focused on ominous ambience.

In that regard, it fared well. Though we didn’t get much material that stood out as memorable, the track used the channels in a creepy, disturbing manner that helped add impact to the movie.

Audio quality seemed fine. Speech remained natural and concise, while effects displayed nice accuracy.

Music was full and offered the necessary spookiness. This ended up as a satisfactory soundtrack.

Three featurettes appear here, and we start with The Making of Suspiria. It runs three minutes, 56 seconds and includes notes from director Luca Guadagnino, Mia Goth, Dakota Johnson, and Renée Soutendijk.

“Making” looks at story, characters and themes, cast and performances. A few minor notes emerge but most of “Making” feels promotional.

The Secret Language of Dance lasts four minutes, 13 seconds and features Johnson, Goth and choreographer Damien Jalet. As expected, “Language” examines some of the film’s dance sequences. It’s short but reasonably informative.

Finally, The Transformations of Suspiria fills four minutes, 27 seconds with comments from prostethics artist Mark Coulier. He gives us some notes about the movie’s effects and creates a pretty useful chat.

The disc opens with ads for You Were Never Really Here, Beautiful Boy and Cold War. No trailer for Suspiria appears here.

Suspiria tries desperately to create an impactful horror tale. Instead, it becomes absurd and campy, with little more than a series of grotesque images to make a dent. The Blu-ray brings generally positive picture and audio but it lacks substantial supplements. Long and pointless, Suspiria becomes a tough film to endure.