What’s scarier than a T-Rex? A T-Rex that can live underwater as easily as on land, that’s what!

At least that’s the theory behind 2014’s SyFy Channel action/adventure Poseidon Rex, an effort that offers a new spin on the dinosaur genre. Off the coast of Belize, divers search for long-lost Mayan gold. They set off explosive charges that come with an unforeseen consequence: the release of a long-dormant, massive dino.

A young couple on vacation, Rod (Steven Helmkamp) and Jane (Candice Nunes) come to Belize for some snorkeling. Along with guide Henry (Berne Velasquez), they discover the body of Jackson Slate (Brian Krause), one of the guys who hunted for the gold. Marine biologist Sarah (Anne McDaniels) helps nurse him back to health and he tells them of the Mayan treasure.

All of them agree to go look for it again, but snarls pop up along the way. For one, the baddies maintain a potential threat, and there’s also that pesky man-mauling dinosaur out there. We follow the various adventures and inevitable deaths.

Going into Poseidon, I didn’t expect Citizen Kane. Heck, I didn’t even expect Jurassic Park, as it’s unrealistic to demand feature film quality from a no-budget, no-name TV production like this. I hoped for some decent action and a light, fun time, which I think remained in the realm of the possible.

Alas, not much entertainment results from the thin, tedious Poseidon. On the positive side, it boasts some nice eye candy, as both Nunes and McDaniels look great, and they spend much of the movie in bikinis.

Thus ends the complimentary section of the review, as I can’t find anything else about the movie to praise. Amateurishness pervades the project, as virtually everything about it screams “bargain basement”.

Again, don’t blame this on high expectations, as I didn’t think I’d get Hollywood-level material on display. Nonetheless, the material shows less skill and talent than I would’ve anticipated. Actually, the lead actors remain halfway decent and don’t embarrass themselves; despite the one-dimensional characters, they offer passable performances.

Folks in supporting roles fare less well, however, and tend toward the awkward/wooden side of the street – which matches the quality of the rest of the flick. Burdened with stiff, unnatural dialogue, the script stinks, and director Mark L. Lester finds no method to enliven the material. The story plods and fails to ever boast any adventure or excitement.

And then we go to the visual effects. Just to repeat: I don’t anticipate ILM-level work in that regard. Nonetheless, I expect stronger effects than what we see here, as the title creature looks laughable. The dinosaur never integrates with its surroundings in even a vaguely realistic manner, and it always resembles something a 12-year-old created on his laptop over long holiday weekend.

When a monster movie can’t deliver a believable monster, it won’t succeed, and that becomes the case for Poseidon Rex. At no point does it find a way to entertain us, as it remains a cheap, boring attempt at adventure.

Poseidon Rex appears in an aspect ratio of approximately 1.78:1; the image has been enhanced for 16X9 televisions. The movie offered average SD-DVD visuals.

Sharpness varied. Some scenes came across as rather soft and indistinct, but the flick generally seemed reasonably well-defined. I saw some light shimmering and jagged edges, and minor edge enhancement cropped up as well. As for source flaws, the image lacked specks, marks or other issues.

Colors appeared decent at best. With the tropical setting, I expected peppy tones, but they tended to be less vibrant than I’d anticipate; they were fine but without much pizzazz. Blacks followed suit, as dark elements looked a bit muddy, and shadows were too dense. The image was good enough for a “C“, but that was it.

Similar thoughts greeted the lackluster Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack of Poseidon Rex, as this was a mix with little ambition. The audio stayed primarily focused on the front, as no more than light reinforcement popped up in the surrounds.

Music showed passable stereo imaging, though that varied. Some score/songs were well-separated, while others stayed virtually monaural. Effects lacked pizzazz and didn’t spread out particularly well. They offered decent environmental information but not much more.

Audio quality was fine. Speech usually seemed natural and concise. Effects were somewhat thin and flat, but they depicted the elements with acceptable accuracy much of the time. Music showed reasonable clarity and range. This was a perfectly ordinary mix with little to make it excel.

In terms of extras, we get a behind the scenes featurette. It runs eight minutes, 36 seconds and includes producer/director Mark L. Lester, Rogue State Visual Effects’ Scott Wheeler and actors Brian Krause, Steven Helmkamp and Anne McDaniels. We get some notes about story/characters, sets and locations, creature design and effects, and cast and performances. A few minor notes emerge – mostly related to the creation of the P-Rex – but this usually remains a fluff piece.

The disc opens with ads for Echo Drive, War of the Worlds: Goliath, The Bill Collector, and The Backpacker. We also find a trailer for Rex.

I like a good dinosaur adventure as much as the next guy, but unfortunately, Poseidon Rex never becomes a good dinosaur adventure. Instead, it gives us a slow, dull flick burdened by amateurish production values. The DVD offers mediocre picture and audio and fails to include substantial bonus materials. Unless you’re an immediate family member of someone involved in the film’s creation, skip it.